Hi friends,
So a couple days ago I lost my very best friend in the entire world. I would have written this sooner but I think it would have been too hard for me to, I don’t know, get my thoughts down exactly how I want to I guess.. So after a few days of thinking about him and remembering all that he meant to me I think the only way to accurately portray it to you guys is by telling the story of Leo and I.
When I was little, literally the only thing I wanted in life was a dog. So the summer of 2003 was a big one for me. I was going into 3rd grade, my cursive skills were at an all time high, and both of my parents remarried. 2003 was the year when my begging reached an exponential number per week, so finally in August of 2004, my mom and my stepdad, Johnny, and I took my 9 year old but to the local animal shelter. Upon meeting crazy jack russells, and lazy hound dogs, I was about to give up. I didn’t have that love at first sight moment meeting my future pup. So we went home and we decided as a family that we would go back the next day and try one more time and if it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t meant to be! So we went back the next day and we met a couple of dogs and they were okay but I didn’t love them. Finally, last dog of the day, all hope from my little 9 year old heart was drained completely, in walks this white bull dog with one brown eye and his tongue hanging out of his smile for miles. He took his time walking in the door, sniffing everything, walked up to me, licked my face and turned his entire body around wanting me to scratch his butt. He was outgoing, but not energetic, he was weird and kind of dumb but very loving, and I knew I wanted him to be mine. The woman at the shelter said he already had a name, and it was Leo.
I looked at my mom and smiled wide as I scratched this dog I had just met’s butt,and the seal was kissed. He was ours. We took him home that day and he unsurprisingly loved car rides. At our house he was so overwhelmed with how much space there was to run and how much furniture there was too lay on.. He was acting like he was in heaven. Only after a few days, our house quickly became Leo’s house. White dog hair covered the entirety of everything, anything even remotely cute that was done resulted in a treat and we did whatever it was that he wanted. He slept on my bed every single night and because I didn’t have any siblings at my mom’s house, he was my everything, the one I played with, the one I told my secrets to, everything. I would dress him up and hug him when I needed a hug and just sit next to him when I was lonely. One fall day in the same year, I came home and was asked to come downstairs by my step dad. Leo greeted me at the door and my mom was downstairs crying. We all sat together, Leo right by my side, and Johnny told us that he was leaving. There was many more words, but that was all I heard. I stared down at Leo and gently pet his brown ear, I was too young to understand what was going on and why it was happening to me. After all the other pointless, and unheard words were said, I stood up and went to my room. Leo followed. When I jumped into my bed, so did he and I just sat and held him and cried. That was the first time I realized that he was mine and I was his, forever.
After every dumb middle school heartbreak, Leo was there for me. Whether it be playing with him outside, taking him on a walk, or just laying next to him as I read, he was the only one that was always there for me, he was my constant.
He was probably one of the dumbest dogs in the world, he really knew nothing. He was terrified of snowmen and he was allergic to corn and he couldn’t swim at all. He was so weird, and for that, I loved him.
He was only sick for a couple of days. He had a tumor on his back right leg that we knew about, cancer was common for American bulldogs, and it finally made his way to his spine. He had no control over his back legs, he couldn’t stand up, walk, nothing. He wasn’t in pain, he just couldn’t move. And watching him try to stand up when he just couldn’t was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever seen. I wanted so badly to carry him around and help him, help him take it all away and make it better, in return for all the times he made everything better for me. My mom came down the other morning, her eyes filled with tears and told me that I should come upstairs.. I knew instantly that it was Leo. The day had come where I would have to say goodbye to my best friend. I went up and just sat next to him for hours.. Until I had said everything I wanted to before we drove to the clinic. In that time I simply thanked him. And I know how stupid this all sounds, he’s a dog right? He can’t speak, he can’t communicate, but he was my constant. He was always there for me, even when I felt like the world wasn’t.
My mom sat with Leo and I that morning and I felt terrible because she was trying so hard to get out of me my feelings and thoughts. And I just couldn’t. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t put into words my thoughts, I literally felt empty. I just stared at him. Finally I put into words what I needed to say. I told my mom that I was okay with bringing him in that day because he had done all that he needed to do.
See, personally, I believe that God puts everyone and everything into our lives for a reason. Wether it be a lesson, a love, some sort of purpose. Leo’s job was to make my mom and I happy and whole. He was beside us through everything, every dark and scary time, he was our light and what held us down. And finally, it seemed that everything for my mom and I was good. We were finally happy and in a place where we didn’t need Leo’s love anymore, because God knows that we needed more than anything for year’s. So although it was the very last thing I wanted, it was okay to say goodbye. I told him how happy I was and how grateful I was for him that he could do that for me. And we picked him up and drove him to the vet.
It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But he was the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Rest in peace, sweet puppy. Love you more than words.
xoxo, Madi
madi smith problems 